Weight is not just a health and physical issue. It is a psychological and spiritual one as well. When one is out of alignment or struggling in any of those areas, it can reflect or expose itself in the others.
I am going to use this space to peel back the layers of the onion I have become. I am going to listen to the tapes that are playing – when I dress, when I shower (or don’t), when I eat what I eat, when I look in the mirror, when I step on the scale. When I go about my day, I am going to observe my choices, and be mindful of – or figure out! – the “why” behind them.
I will take note of the ugly thoughts and dig down to find their roots so that I can pull them out and discard them. They are persistent, but they do not serve me.
I will notice old teachings that come up as accusations and cause confusion, shame, guilt and fear. I will recognize them for what they are and find ways to quiet those accusations.
I will find answers and means to deal with the taunting voices of my childhood and the misguided suggestions and nudges that hurt more than they healed.
I will explore my own former choices and show myself plainly how they were based on fallacies and falsehoods that neither function nor apply – and seek out what will work better.
When I feel fear, guilt, disgust, or shame, I will seek self-compassion and I will find a quiet space to untie the knot in the tapestry so that I can move on weaving a happy-to-be-beautiful me.
Even writing those last two words together fills me with anxiety and guilt and shame, so there is where I will begin.
December 13, 2020. The portal is open. I choose to step through.
~*~
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